you will regret it, but you'll read them anyway!

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

What do you call a sheep without legs?
A cloud.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.


Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop clop clop?
An Amish drive-by shooting

A group of chess enthusiasts are at a tournament, and are gathered in
the hotel reception area telling each other about their best games, when
the hotel manager comes and throws them all out.
Why? "I don't like chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A scientist cloned himself, but the clone turned out to be incredibly
rude. Eventually, the scientist got sick of his clone, and pushed him
over a cliff. The next day he was arrested.
Why? "Making an obscene clone fall."

Then there was the ship carrying red paint that collided with another
carrying blue paint.
What happened? Both crews were marooned.

A new car has been designed especially for the Los Angeles rush hour....
It's called a stationary wagon.

A man walked into a fortune teller's tent. When the fortune teller saw
him, she started laughing, so he hit her.
Why? He was striking a happy medium.

Remember: Light bulbs are nothing but a filament of your imagination.

How would you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take it to a whale-weigh station.

A party was organised for a crowd of toad-stools. It was very crowded,
but they were all happy....
There wasn't mush-room, but they didn't mind because they were all such
fungi's

I'm sorry. That last one was in spore taste.

A man started work at an explosives factory, but he soon got fired.

Another man worked at an orange juice factory, but he was canned because
he couldn't concentrate.

A miner also got the sack - his boss thought he was the pits.

Another poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job
when the company folded.

What about the king who got deposed by his enemy?
He just got throne away.

And of course, there was the pillow and mattress manufacturing company
that had a problem with staff...
Some of them just felt down all the time, and the rest were sleeping on
the job.

And the wardrobe manufacturing company...
The staff hiding skeletons in the closet, but the boss found a way to
wear them out eventually.

And the pilot who went on sick leave, because he had the flew.

Then there was the guy who fell into a vat of molten optical glass after
drinking too much....
Just two glasses, and look what a spectacle he made of himself.

And don't forget about the telecoms engineer who was committed to an
asylum...
They said he had too many hang-ups.

When Noah was loading the Ark, where did he put the bees?
In the Arc-hives, of course.

A certain leisure complex had a cinema and a swimming pool. One day, the
cinema screen fell through the floor into the pool.
The owners left it there, and used it as a dive-in theatre.

There was also a vampire who became a vegetarian.... he turned into a
fruit bat.

Friction. It's such a drag. And gravity sucks too.